I am trying not to bemoan this despicable weather … so, I’ll just say that a year ago we were enjoying temps that were 25 degrees above normal. Walking was a joy and happening every day.
I’m sure that you, just like me, complained at least one time during this past Summer about the endless days of hot weather, and, you probably said “another hot day – I won’t complain once the cold weather gets here!”
I’ll bet you are regretting those words now.
I thought about taking the sleigh, er car, out for a spin this morning, but “spin” is exactly what I thought would happen after a precarious trip backing out of the garage. There is only about a foot of space on either side of the car, and the driveway was a sheet of ice. Even the street looked slick and uninviting for me, the already wintry-weather-weary driver.
So much for that idea.
Good thing Santa doesn’t depend on plowed and salted roads to make his rounds on Christmas Eve. The reindeer have got his back and keep him on track, so he doesn’t disappoint anyone.
Speaking of Santa, WWJ’s health reporter was reciting a list of items that Santa should be concerned about pertaining to his upcoming journey. As a labor law secretary who has dealt with plenty of MIOSHA matters for clients over the years, frankly, I never thought much about Santa’s gig having so many occupational hazards … he probably hasn’t thought about it either, so perhaps he needs a new labor lawyer to look over his current contract.
These are some of the many hazards and pitfalls of Santa’s profession that I can recall:
First and foremost, Santa had better watch his weight, considering all those stops with delicious cookies washed down with whole milk that he is obliged to consume. The health reporter suggested leaving carrots or almonds for Santa instead. (Great idea, but this might lead to a piece of coal in your stocking.) She also suggested that the extra-jiggly belly fat could lead to heart disease, or even Type 2 diabetes. (Sheesh … and I was worried about my annual personal indulgence: a quart of egg nog that’s been tucked in the corner of the fridge since mid-November.)
Also, the jolly old elf should be advised that a cherry-red nose isn’t necessarily from zipping around the globe in the cold air, because it might signal an allergy to holly, mistletoe, or even the reindeer. (Yes, I feel sorry for Santa – my nose is red during Spring allergies when the trees and grass all make their debut at once – allergy shots will get you to “normal” though.)
Sliding down the chimney isn’t advisable either … all that soot and grime getting in Santa’s lungs sure is not healthy, so he ought to find an alternative and safer way to access each home. (Good point, and thankfully your sleigh doesn’t run on diesel Santa … the chimney’s sooty and grimy scenario sure sounds like downtown Detroit when I was waiting so many years in the “bus hub”.)
And, finally … Santa needs to quit hoisting that heavy bag of presents around, or at least learn proper lifting techniques. (Pay attention to this one Santa – I carried a schlepp bag on my shoulder for years while I took the bus. My mom warned me “you’ll be sorry when you get older” … but, as you know, you can’t tell young people anything. Now, I feel twinges from three decades of a heavy bag resting on my right shoulder.)
All those on-the-job woes makes you feel sorry for ol’ Santa.
I think Mr. Claus needs to revisit his contract and invoke a new clause or two, don’t you?